I just read the quotes from pinterest said “write journal”. Then i thought why not to write journal about my story? It’s not for people to read it. It doesn’t matter to me if people read it or none reads it. I just wanna write what I want to write.
Once, my lecture said “why do you think we use the word fall in falling in love? it sounds like love i’s so spontaneous.”
I just realised it that yeah love is so spontaneous. You don’t know literally when to fall and you don’t know what makes you fall, also you don’t know how to prevent to fall and the way you fall. It just happens like that, unpredictable, un-avoidable, and unexplainable.
So, i believe in love at first sight. You don’t know how it comes, but you can feel it. The more you deny it, the more you feel it.
Once, I had a “fall” in love thing in my story. I met this guy somewhere in online. We decided to meet as a physical-hello. I honestly wanted to cancel the meeting cause I was too sleepy to get out from home. And i did not accept any reply from him in that time. But yeah we met at the end. And believe or not, it was the simplest dress up I’ve ever worn in a first meeting with a guy. A tshirt, skirt, and slippers. I didn’t know what was in my head that i let myself dressing up like that. I usually full dress up and make up on when meeting with people.
First meeting, it went well. But yeah, i didn’t have any intention to have a further relationship on that time. I planned to have two or three meeting on a guy, because this online dating game does not suit to my story so i never take it serious.
This guy is different. He was the most respectful guy I’ve ever met. More respect than any guys in my real life. He kept himself getting to me that I let myself meeting him. I usually decide to like someone, because he’s hot, smart, cool, swag, and so on. But in this time, I didn’t decide anything. He has none of my typical list of boyfriend, except musical skill he has.
But yeah i just realised that’s the use of the word-fall in fall in love. Im not planning to love someone, what makes me fall, but i suddenly fell. Loving someone with no reason. I felt it. I dont know why i like this guy, but I realised it when any love quotes I read, he pops up in my head. When i hear love song, he pops up, when im in a silence, he pops up. He always pops up so spontaneous.
Actually, I kept denying myself that I liked this guy. Cause he’s none of my typical list and knowing it’s hard to be together if we choose to be together. But yeah, fall in love is un-deniable. Your head can say you deny, so does your mouth. But again, you can’t deny your feeling.
But the unique thing is, I couldn’t realise it if I was not separated with him. When he left me and I was all alone, i started to feel I was loosing something that I don’t know what it was. The sky seemed gray, and i was happy but not freely happy. And the thought came and said “damn, i’ve already fallen!”
In the end, you cannot force in love. Sometimes you cannot get your love when it’s already gone. No one can blame on that. I can’t blame myself for being fall, I can’t force myself to get love or to stop it.
One of a doctor said to me that “let time answers” so let time heals the scar you get from your fall. You can’t do anything. It just happened like that. Quite complicated, huh?